I wish I could tell him but I can't because it changes every single thing. Although it hurts every inch of me. I can't can't ignore him. I can't can't not talk to him even if I do, he will come and bug me. We are in a gang which has 15 people in it. Every actions of mine would trigger their suspicion. Plus, we are in the same lecture class, same tutorial class. We have lunch together and sometimes even dinner. We have our breaks together. Wow. Listing all these down seems so overwhelm. How do I managed to do all these?? Amazed.
I'm doing every things that are opposite of how i feel in front of him.
Shutting down all my feelings. Pretending and acting. Holding my composure. How i wish feelings can be switch on and off just like how we switch on and off lights. Just a click and there you go.
I guess when i get older, I understand what is more important in life. Balancing happiness and sadness, life. Like how a libra does. Stroking the balance of life. Because imbalance freaks us out.
"Laughter is not always 'the best medicine'... Sometimes, it's just 'the best disguise' to hide the pain within..." I find this true when u can't laugh but only with the help of liquor.
Till I find the right one,
Love, C
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